discerning November 14, 2009

As I looking back through my own church history, I recognize that I experienced many positive things as well.  I was taught the word of God from a young age on, I was in fellowship with many strong believers to support my faith, I learned to participate in the prophetic, I learned how to lead God’s people in worship.  I know that I gained a lot from “the church”. 

 At the same time, I am wondering if the negative I experienced was due to the structure of the church.  Not that there won’t always be sin but I wonder if our “Westernized” church services perpetuated problems from well meaning people. 

It’s not that I’m being critical; it’s that I’m discerning what I see.  I am talking about things I have observed, not things I have found by looking for faults.  Certainly, throughout these 26 years I haven’t changed my actions though I discerned much negative….I have served faithfully and with a good attitude. 

So now as I step back, I am observing and analyzing things and wondering what the outcome will be.  I cannot make any decisions or judgments necessarily; I can only speak from what I have discerned.  So forgive me if I sound critical…that’s not my heart…I’m just observing and analyzing right now. And I feel that we all should be discerning things because it’s mindless faith that sometimes causes error.  My searching continues….

November 8, 2009

So as I continue in my search for the truth about “church”, I’ve been asking lots of questions but am unable to come up with any concrete answers quite yet. In my studies of the history of the church, I have found that all of the following common church practices are derived from pagan culture:

• An orderly service (worship, sermon, altar call, etc)
• The sermon
• The church building (including chairs, pulpits, etc)
• A paid pastor who is a “professional”
• Hierarchical leadership
• Dressing up for church
• Choirs
• Worship team/worship leaders
• Tithing and clergy salaries
• Ushers
• Baptism separated from conversion
• The sinner’s prayer
• A ritualistic communion
• Bible college/seminary
• Sunday school
• Youth/children’s pastors

 

If you take those away, what are you left with? People.  That’s the only conclusion I’ve made-that church is people.  So knowing the roots of the church and how different it is from the early church, I am asking “what do I do now?” What does God want for his church?

wrestling with what I believe October 14, 2009

I currently don’t belong to any organized religious group and it’s been an interesting journey.  The first day or two I felt like I was in a daze as if I had no bearings and i didn’t know where I was going but the next few days and even now I feel such a release. 

I’m trying to figure out what brings this release….I’ve been in church my entire 26 years so you take away what’s comfortable and whoa I find out what I really believe. 

So I’ve been searching and thinking about things in a non-churchy way and find it very freeing.  Not that my faith has changed…in fact I feel more sure of my faith than before….it’s just the way way I practice has changed.

I have been examining the early church and various ideas on the purpose of the church. 

I found some interesting quotes in a book named Blue Like Jazz:

“If you believe something, passionately, people will follow you.  People hardly care what you believe, as long as you believe something.  If you are passionate about something, people will follow you because they think you know soemthig they don’t, some clue to the meaning of the universe.  Passion is tricky, though, because it can point to nothing as easily as it points to something.”

This quote brings up so many thoughts in my head…what do u think?

hope September 13, 2009

We are each in a war….a fight to keep hope alive in our hearts.  A fight to hope for the things we desire.   I have seen some many people lose hope and then lose their passion for living.  As I write this, I’m struggling to hope for what I’ve been dreaming of.  Is is because I’m tired (maybe) or is it because I’m afraid to hope for fear of being disappointed or is it because I don’t believe in myself? Whatever the reason, I will not give up the fight!  Even David had to tell himself to hope again in Psalms 42 he says “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And [why] are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him [For] the help of His countenance.”  So tonight that is my cry but I tell my soul to hope in God! I will win the fight!

love August 8, 2009

“If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don’t have it, no matter what else there is, it’s not enough.”

 

This quote really made me think this week.  All of us have passions and dreams/goals but if our motivation is not for others than it’s just not enough.  How many times do we remember the person who showed love to us whether  a simple smile or a warm hug.  If their heart is in it we can feel it and that helps us to be who we are.  When others are self consumed or goal orientated so much that they miss the people in front of them…they do it in vain.  God, help me to have your love.

what does God require June 29, 2009

He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8

For a large portion of the Old Testament God cries out to his people to turn back to him and to follow his laws.  Although we are under a new covenant we still have commands that God has placed before us….to love God with all of our heart, mind and soul….to love our neighbors as ourselves.  So that includes doing good such as what Micah declares. 

•  “to do justly” =to do what is right.  What would be “right”? To be free from sin yes, but also to walk in love with those around us.  So not just to restrain ourselves from evil but to do good. 
• “to love mercy”  That sounds so poetic but actually is alot more difficult! Do I love what is good? Do I pity those in need? Do I have a heart for others or am I seeking my own benefit?  Do I enjoy evil on TV? Where is my heart in this? 
• “to walk humbly with thy God”  Do I lead a life of humilty (meekness, free from pride or arrogance)?  Am I too focused on myself that I miss those around me?  Do we care about the things that others care about? Am I walking on my own or am I actually “with God”?

I guess we are all wrestling with these things.  That’s why Paul talks about the flesh warring with the spirit.  So God open our eyes to those around us.  That we would look beyond our own interests and seek the interests of others….for then that is the commandment to love one another as we love ourself.

give me your eyes January 28, 2009

This song really spoke to me….I wish I wrote it! such good lyrics…..God don’t let us just be self consumed with what we want and what we’re striving for that we neglect those around us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OihvG607W-c

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
Yeah
Yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath
There’s a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He’s out of work
He’s buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

I’ve Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all along

how daring November 8, 2008

I think as New Englanders we tend to settle in our life and become comfortable with wherever we are.  I believe that there is a spirit of complacency in this region. It’s one that sometimes stops us from reaching our full potential.  So I am challenging myself…what am I really supposed to be doing? Should I stop where I am….but my heart wants more….so let me edge myself on.  I think we sometimes become afraid of being “out of God’s will” that we are unwilling to take chances.  I know that’s often my thought process.  But let me take some chances, possibly make a mistake but at least I can live saying I attempted it….

This song sums up what I’m trying to say.  Here are the lyrics and the song by Natasha Bedingfield (ignore the horse pics =) ):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGpnJZPApS0

I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I’m looking out, hmmm
Is this my life I’m wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
It’s greener pastures I’m thinking about
Hmm, wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

Ooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I’ll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I’m longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

Yeah, oh oh, ye-yeah

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare-back, care-free
Along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear, but not feel scared

Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I’ll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I’m longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

I wanna run too
Oooh oh oh oh
Recklessly emboundening myself before you
I wanna open up my heart
Tell him how I feel, ooh ooh

Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I’ll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I’m longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses

Ooh ooooh ooh ooh ye-yeah yeah oohh
I wanna run with the wild horses, ooooh

 

quote August 4, 2008

So this time I decided just to leave a simple quote: “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”  by Eleanor Roosevelt.  What does that mean to you?

church boredom June 30, 2008

I am reading this book “Enjoying God” by S.J. Hill and there are so many awesome things in it! One of the things he said really made sense: “One of the biggest problems the church faces right now is spiritual boredom.  Why? Because believers were never made for a program, and institution, or a weekly pew-warming ceremony. Christians were never made to be satisfied by a three-point outline that contains just enough advice to get over the ‘hump’ of the week.  The human heart was made for passion.  It was created for relationhip.  It was designed to experience the fullness of God.”  Isn’t that powerful! yes, I want passion! Yes, it takes more than church.  Yes, I have to be willing to pursue God beyond church or I’ll never be fulfilled! I pray that I would never be bored!